Mondays suck...part one

…why is it that people feel the need to hit the BRAKES when someone is on the side of the road…whether or not it’s a cop or a broken down car? A line of about 8 cars did this today on my way to work…and I wasn’t at ALL amused. I was INCHES away from the car in front of me because I was going the speed limit and had to slam on the BREAKS. THEN….the asshole behind me narrowly escaped hitting me. My goodness. This has been a fantastic start to the day.

So, I’m going to comment on something I heard on the radio.

Australia is upset that Britney Spears doesn’t sing live during her concert. . . . the word “duh” comes to mind. Not that I’m sticking up for her. I believe artists should sing live but I think the novelty of Britney is that she’s a dancer and not that much of a singer. The Australian government is trying to impose a law that tickets to events like this should have “ a disclaimer on the ticket, saying that it is a pre-recorded show.” I think that’s going a little far…I mean doesn’t anyone in Australia have You-tube?? Surely, they’ve looked at the “Circus” tour and seen that she doesn’t sing live.


Alright, that’s all I’ve got for now.

Later…

- Me

Taylor Swift's Musical Monologue

Good for her! I appreciate someone who can poke fun at shit that's happened to them.

Music Player Life Story

1. Put your music player on shuffle.

2. For each question, press the next button to get your answer.

3. YOU MUST WRITE THAT SONG NAME
DOWN NO MATTER HOW SILLY IT SOUNDS!

**OK GO! **

IF SOMEONE SAYS "IS THIS OKAY" YOU SAY?
House of 1000 Corpses - Rob Zombie

WHAT WOULD BEST DESCRIBE YOUR PERSONALITY?
Sunrise (Jason Nevins Mix) - Queer Eye for the Straight Guy

WHAT DO YOU LIKE IN A GUY/GIRL?
In the Afterlife - Squirrel Nut Zippers

HOW DO YOU FEEL TODAY?
Last Christmas (I gave you my heart) - George Michaels

WHAT IS YOUR MOTTO?
"(Go to) California" Rob Zombie

WHAT DO YOUR FRIENDS THINK OF YOU?
Bad Girls ft. Lil Kim - Rupaul

WHAT DO YOU THINK ABOUT VERY OFTEN?
Love Thing - Spice Girls

WHAT DO YOU THINK OF YOUR BEST FRIEND?
Surrender your groove - Geri Halliwell

WHAT DO YOU THINK OF THE PERSON YOU LIKE?
This Groove - Victoria Beckham

WHAT IS YOUR LIFE STORY?
S.O.S - Mamma Mia Soundtrack

WHAT DO YOU WANT TO BE WHEN YOU GROW UP?
Unbreak my heart - Toni Braxton

WHAT DO YOU THINK WHEN YOU SEE THE PERSON YOU LIKE?
Crazy Possesive - Kaci Battaglia

WHAT WILL YOU DANCE TO AT YOUR WEDDING?
Castles in the sky - DJ Geoffe

WHAT WILL THEY PLAY AT YOUR FUNERAL?
Never coming home - Queer eye for the straight guy soundtrack

WHAT IS YOUR HOBBY/INTEREST?
Dead Girl Superstar - Rob Zombie

WHAT IS YOUR BIGGEST SECRET?
Flightless Bird, American Mouth - Iron and Wine

WHAT DO YOU THINK OF YOUR FRIENDS?
Go! - Melanie C

WHAT'S THE WORST THING THAT COULD HAPPEN?
I want it that way - Backstreet Boys

WHAT IS THE ONE THING YOU REGRET?
Unconditional Love - Victoria Beckham

WHAT MAKES YOU LAUGH?
Break Me, Shake me - Savage Garden

WHAT MAKES YOU CRY?
If you're not the one - Daniel Beddingfield

WILL YOU EVER GET MARRIED?
Who do you think you are? - Spice Girls

WHAT SCARES YOU THE MOST?
Desire - Geri Halliwell

DOES ANYONE LIKE YOU?
I'm not in love - BBMak

IF YOU COULD GO BACK IN TIME, WHAT WOULD YOU CHANGE?
No more cry - The Corrs

WHAT HURTS RIGHT NOW?
When love takes over - Kelly Rowland

WHAT DO YOU THINK OF YOUR ROOMMATE?
Sometimes I need you - Sam Springston

It's been a while....

No need to catch you up on anything...nothing worth writing about.



So, I'd like to know how one person can make you so angry that it changes your outlook on life? Seriously...It's terrifying that I might grow up one day to be that person. It's irritating. Then to top it off, I can't "cut that person out of my life" because they're apart of my family.

I think I'm on my "man-period". I hate feeling like this.


Meh.

More to come. I'm tired of boring people with my life, instead I'll bore the entirety of cyberspace.

Later...

-Me

"The Mind of Man" - John DeVore

1. I think I’m awesome, but seriously, why do you think I’m awesome?

2. I can speak dolphin. Which is how I help them.

3. I don’t have a driver’s license and I don’t know how to drive a car. But I know how to drive the ladies wild and I have a license to freak, freak you sweet and spicy, freak you like a jungle cat made out of lava.

4. I write poetry. Here’s a sample, “She walks in beauty, like the night/Of cloudless climes and starry skies/And all that’s best of dark and bright/Meets in her aspect and her eyes.” I just made that up, right now, on the spot.

5. Yes I can, did, will, etc.

6. I have flaws: I love too much, dream too big, rock too hard. Not to mention give too much, take too little, heal too many. Guilty as charged, I accept this superhuman burden.

7. I’m a Texan, which means I’m the American equivalent of a Viking. This means I’m strong, complete with glazed ham sized-muscles, and a pair of abs, and, like, all that jazz. I’m also half-Mexican, which means I’m full of the Latin fire. The other half is standard issue redneck, which means I like grits, bacon and Cheez Whiz.

8. I have written for and edited major men’s interest magazines and was actually nominated for a Pulitzer Prize for the article “Bikini Wax or Whack?” I thanked my mom when I won, because women like men who are close with their mom, but not THAT close. But close. Shhh. Mommy’s calling.

9. It’s not easy being beautiful. True story.

10. Every single of my 507 friends on Facebook are my totes BFFS 4eva. Fer reelz.

11. I have made passionate love to 1,270 women. In my mind. I call it the “Jedi Bang.”

12. I can make a woman orgasm just by whispering “John DeVore says it’s time for your cookie. Do what John DeVore says.” The resulting orgasm makes the angels lament their lack of mortal genitals.

13. I’m very good at listening, especially if you’re talking about the following: Xbox, me, anal, me. Besides that, I am very good at all the hallmarks of resembling listening, from the furrowed brow, to the lip bite, to the sensitive slow nod.

14. I do not sweat. Instead, my glands secrete a mild fragrance that resembles warm pancakes and springtime rain.

15. I have had my heart broken. But with time, I learned how to forgive the miserable bitch. Ha, ha. I’m kidding. E-mail me?

16. I am not afraid to cry. If you punch me in the man boobs and kick me in the coin purse.

17. My instant message name is totally not “Optimus Gandalf,” no matter what “Pegasus Unicorn” says on that message board. Also: I never really spent time in prison. It was a jail, and it was just a night or three.

18. My favorite color is your skin. Unless you have a disfiguring skin disease. Then my favorite color is your great personality.

19. If I were on the periodic table, I’d be one of the elements of style.

20. I don’t “booty call.” Lightening will strike outside your window, and the thunder will tenderly bellow, “He is on his way.”

21. Humility is my greatest virtue. Also, my penis is so huge, it has its own moon.

22. I am a great fan of the literary greats. Nabokov, Murakami, DeVore.

23. Favorite word: John DeVore.

24. Money isn’t important to me, if I have lots and lots of it. It’s expensive to have to split the bill all the time.

25. I lied about my greatest virtue. It’s being honest with myself, with my Facebook friends, and my ho’s. I am not a man who is afraid to look deep within and high-five himself.

** I didn't write this but I think it's great. Kind of reminds me of my brother a bit."

Victoria Beckham: There's a gay man inside of me!

Victoria Beckham is on the cover of this month's Italy Vanity Fair and she tells the magazine, "I love women. I like them as friends, as interesting people to speak with. But I love gay men. I always say it. Inside me there is a gay man who wants to come out! With heterosexual men I have nothing in common – excluding my husband, brothers and father, you understand."

She also told that magazine that she would love to have a daughter one day. "If it happens, I'd love it. You can't choose what you have, but after three boys I would love a girl."

I FUCKIN' LOVE THIS BITCH!